Monday, January 27, 2014

Book club: The Name Mix-up by LadyandtheTurtleDuck

The names Levy and Lily sound similar when people are drunk. Gajeel knows this.


Book club:


Fandom: Fairy Tail

This story was short and fluffy. And sometimes that’s a problem because its easy to be cliché.
But this one?

I’M GONNA SQUEAL.

It was short and sweet, uncomplicated by heavy description or fancy word play – this was bare knuckles, romantic fluff that didn’t destroy Gajeel’s badass character. Only highlighting the fact that he’s secretly adorable.

As it was a short oneshot, there isn’t much else to say other than how the characters themselves behaved and what exactly happened.

SPOILERS BELOW!

 The story takes place at the guild after another round of heavy celebration which is typical of Fairy Tail. (√)

Everyone is wonderfully wasted and in hilarious situations left to our imagination because no one was named or described as the main focus was on Pantherlily, and his attention of his two favorite people: Gajeel and Levy. (√)

Our lovely couple is trying to sleep on the floor because they’re just too drunk to go home and find a comfortable bed so they make do like everyone else apparently. (√)

Gajeel, who in head canon, is a major cuddler, requires his pet cat to make sleeping on the floor less of a pain in the ass and because he’s drunk, he thinks his cat is Levy. (√)

Levy, being in love with him, only struggles slightly before accepting her fate. (√)

The cuteness doesn’t end there, oh no!

If anything, morning afters are just as cute. If you’re lucky.

As usual, Mira is the one to discover them and Gajeel reacts like Gajeel and refuses to believe he initiated cuddles. With three against one, the odds aren’t in his favor and he decides that either Levy or Lily must change their name for the sake of his reputation. (√)

I promise it’s cuter than what my summary is.

But basically everything that happened made absolute sense from setting to character reactions.

What I loved the most was the simplicity of the story – it’s all about Gajeel getting his cuddle on, and how it happened as well as how it was handled when he was caught was done so adorably well, even if it was horribly written, I’d probably still enjoy it.

The dialogue was pretty standard, they definitely sounded like themselves, but the punctuation needed work and when dialogue happened there was an unnecessary need to add He said/She said afterwards.

As for the characters themselves: it was an impressive portrayal considering the amount of cuteness in the fic, Gajeel was still sourly and grumpy, and then just confident and cute at once – my favorite! Lily was pretty basic as was Levy, and Mira made somewhat of an unnecessary appearance, but she was also very familiar.
I loved the story just the way it was regardless of everything I just said above.
There’s your example of a successful fluff fic without over fluffing!

And here’s a word to the wise for those attempting fluff:
KEEP IT SIMPLE AND DON’T LET THE CHARACTERS OVERREACT.

Brownie points:
Gajeel loves cuddles = WIN
Characters-in-character

Health deductions:
NONE. ENJOY WITH CAKE.

Red pen level: 8/10
A few missing words and punctuation missing (a comma or two), there’s also an issue with dialogue, but nothing alcohol can’t fix.

Characterization: 8/10

Plot: 9/10
Kept it simple and took it home for cuddles!

Overall: 8/10

Recommendation:
Clean up dialogue and you’re good to go!

Have you read this fanfiction? Do you think I got it right, or are we going to agree to disagree? Review the fic in question or leave me a line below.


Saturday, January 25, 2014

Book Club: My Little Pony: Friendship is Illogical by Rarity the Sewaddle

“Buttloads” of random characters end up going through a portal and turning into ponies. Yes. That’s it. So far.

Book club:

Fandom: Xover – My Little Pony x Pokemon


The review:

I came across this story on a Facebook page for Fanfiction, and since I’ve been on hiatus for awhile, I thought reviewing a story would be fun. I might have shot myself in the foot with an x-over (hint: don’t like them) and with a fandom I’m not familiar with (My Little Pony…seriously, it could’ve been anything really…).

And since it’s the first chapter, there’s not a lot to review except for the technicalities so the bare bones is where I’m going.

Note: There will be nitpicking.
  •      Numbers should be spelt.
  •       Proper paragraphing. Please.
  •        Indicating a person is shouting doesn’t mean you have to CAPS LOCK it to hell. It’s okay really. We get it.
  •       Punctuation. Verbs following the closed inverted commas should be in small for example:

“Stop it! You guys aren’t funny!” Exclaimed a new voice.
Should be:
“Stop it! You guys aren’t funny,” exclaimed a new voice.
Or:
“Stop it,” exclaimed a new voice, “you guys aren’t funny!”
Or:
A new voice exclaimed, “Stop it! You guys aren’t funny!”

Even if it is a writer's first story online, I still feel that what you learn in English class applies so I take no mercy when it comes to the structure of a story. Everything else is based on personal preference.

And now, said personal preferences.

The descriptions – there isn't anything memorable or interesting. Only for the character’s appearances and by that I mean what the ponies look like.

What the actual characters look like before isn’t really mentioned it’s simply assumed. Which wouldn’t be wrong considering people would be reading the story because:
  • .      They enjoy My Little Pony and Pokemon so therefore have extensive knowledge on both fandoms.

And
  • .      They enjoy the two together.  

Still, the extra description wouldn't do anyone too much harm.

There are also action descriptions like falling into the vortex, but it reads like a cliché. The transformation is alright, but it felt rushed.

I thought there would be more Pokemon to be honest. The fact that Ash had gotten Professor Oak to come and see him slip into the portal took nary a page. And the description about the chicken (I assume?) resembling an Eevee? His new form resembling a Ponyta? Superficial use of Pokemon-verse. It might be relevant as Ash is from the Pokemon universe, but it felt tacted on.

If maybe Ash was in a panic/excitement that he thought he was being turned into a Ponyta and he tried to do some sort of attack after his transformation was complete maybe I’d buy it…maybe.

The dialogue is stilted, there’s nothing natural about it. Scootaloo goes from calling Ash a jerk to “wanna be friends?” in the span of a single line.

Obviously I wasn't meant to like x-overs, but my preference stands. The reason being: bringing two (or more) universes together can be tricky and I personally see it as more work on both the author and the readers part to keep up with all the references, characters, setting, etc. This wasn't horrible, but I won't be reading any more x-overs any time soon.

Brownie points: An interesting premises. Maybe. I don’t usually read x-overs.

Health deductions:
He’s going…he’s going; he’s....lost.

Red pen level: 6/10
Punctuation. Paragraphing. 
And please don't shout things in CAPS. I know it's emphasis that the character is shouting, but it hurts my eyes.

Characterization: ?/10
I can only do this for Ash and nine year old him sounds about right…stupidly slipping in a vortex, being overly excited and eager…yes, sounds about right.
7/10

Plot: 0/10
Based on the first chapter, very little is actually established. The character goes through a vortex and becomes a pony. That’s great. And then? It’ll probably be answered in future chapters, but there isn’t any stakes raised or any other kind of plot mentioned.

Overall: 3/10

Recommendation:
Take your time: Describe the universes your characters were in before landing up in Evertree forest and becoming ponies. Describe how they feel and think vividly from their perspective when they transform, imagine having the senses of a pony and attribute it to how your character may or may not have trouble adapting to being something that they weren’t before.

Read dialogue out loud: Think about how you would have a conversation with someone you haven’t met before. You’re lost and confused. Answer from the character’s perspective. Bender, for example, would say something inappropriate or be losing his mind that he’s an animal and not a robot who runs on booze.


Make sense. Please. I still have no idea what the hell is happening, and I realize its only the first chapter, but I took a glance at the second and there’s just more characters rocking up…Princess Twilight can be interested in the human world, but WHY AND FOR WHAT, I’d love to know.

Have you read this fanfiction? Do you think I got it right, or are we going to agree to disagree? Review the fic in question or leave me a line below.