I'm disappointed in myself for denying the opportunity to write something that is beneficial for someone else.
My name is Angela, also known as cheshireSorrows, and I am a review addict who doesn't like to share.
Reviews are an author's drug.
No one will admit they crave it to give them the strength for their next fix and no one will admit that they've rarely handed it out to others.
The account I'm currently using on fanfiction has been in around since 2012, and I shamefully declare that I've written less than a hundred reviews in my two year time. In fact, I've written around 62 since I went on an experimental REVIEW BINGE which was arguably to my own peril.
I wasn't familiar with some of the fandoms people wanted stories reviewed for, and some oneshots/first chapters were much longer then the others (one went to almost 9K words). But the most horrifying thing about it was that I didn't know why I had so much to say.
Writing a story takes work aplenty, let me tell you:
Fighting with the English language. Trying to get the plotbunnies to behave. Worrying about whether the story is "good" or not. Wondering if you've done the characters and fandom justice. Wondering if anyone will even read the damn thing! It's all a big shit fest sometimes.
I know those feelings as well as any other writer out there, and to be on the other side of it was a different experience altogether.
Since I posted the REVIEW BINGE on a facebook group with my own facebook profile (not one made for my fanfiction) the people I was reviewing knew exactly who I was. There would be no anonymity to hide behind - no avatar persona people could look to and hate if I crossed the line somewhere. And for that I'm kind of thankful.
With the amount of trolls all over the internet, it's difficult to put yourself out there in a way that lends you to ridicule both as a writer and as a reviewer. I can't even count the times that people have complained about Reviewer A just not "getting" the story or Reviewer B who just annoys the hell out of the author because they say the same thing every time, the list of complaints go on, and I understand that too - I've received just as many of those in my ten year stay on fanfiction - I get it.
At the same time, I couldn't just throw praise at people unless I felt the story drew that reaction from me.
I wasn't a fluff reviewer, I knew this long ago. If all people wanted was to bolster their review count (even if it was just to get one review at all) they were going to be in for a surprise.
For the longest time, especially when I was younger, all I wanted was for my review count to go up - for people to tell me how much they liked my writing, and for a long time I SUCKED. Rereading previous work, I came to the conclusion that I SUCKED ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF SUCK.
The only reason I got better at all was because of one reviewer. A guest. A very rude guest. A very rude guest that wasn't afraid to rip me a new one and call me out and every little thing new, young writers think they're so special and unique for.
It was a hard lesson to learn.
No. That's putting it lightly.
After getting that review I didn't touch fanfiction.net for over four months. I was that terrified that whoever this guest reviewer was was going to find me and rip me another one, and I just wasn't ready for that. Still, I was determined to write and even more to prove to that reviewer that I could, and that was basically why I tried to get better.
Of course I didn't want anyone to be as traumatized as I was so I did it in a way that I would like to get a review like that.
Tell me the good stuff. Tell me the bad stuff. Tell me how to fix it.
I don't know if I accomplished that with every review I gave, but at least they were long and (hopefully) insightful. I did feel lost occasionally - where do I start, what do I even talk about, did I actually like this story or not? Then there was the author's feelings on the matter, could they take a few harsh words, would they understand why I'm saying what I'm saying, would they even want any crit I had to give?
This a different minefield to navigate than to write a story mainly because it isn't about the reviewer but about the author and their work, and if I cared a whit about their work as much as I cared about mine, I would tell them what I would want to hear and if I got it wrong, that's okay too.
Reviews themselves are subjective. There is no right and wrong.
Just because I saw stuff to criticize in a story doesn't mean no one else will enjoy it, it doesn't mean the author should defend themselves to me - how they write their story, what they want to do with it, how characters are portrayed is none of my business, I as the reader, am only sharing an opinion.
Why then do authors crave these reviews?
It's simple. Communication. Connection.
Writing is almost always a lonely craft. It's you and your words for the longest time, your imagination and your plot bunnies keeping you company.
Having someone talk to you about it makes the loneliness seem worth it. Having people experience your story, think about what is happening and having someone just pay attention is one of the most fulfilling things about writing, and the most obvious way an author knows you felt something when you read their work? A review.
Writing those reviews made me more appreciative of all the ones I received throughout the years, good and bad, and also gave me to see others' writing, as well as my own, in a different light.
So write one. Write a review right now. RIGHT NOW. To anyone. For any story. Write a review that you would want to receive. DO IT.
.jpg)
